Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
