I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
