i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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