i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
