Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
