one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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