Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
