I'm jealous of your bromance
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Enjoy the penises
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
