So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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