once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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