He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
