R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
