I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
