I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
