i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
