It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have aggressive nipples.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize