i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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