I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize