what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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