so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
