i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
