I think im going to throw up on grandma
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I need water and some morals
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
