I didn't shave. On purpose
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
