I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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