K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
