Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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