Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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