Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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