I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Your cock deserves a montage
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
