yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
