How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
