just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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