new low.... made out with someone while peeing
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize