watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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