I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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