I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
