I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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