i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
