you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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