Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
