a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i now understand why vodka
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
