Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
