I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
