Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
