dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
