last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
