Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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