i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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