Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
