Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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