omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
