This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
