Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
