Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
