My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
