dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
