This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
