sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
