Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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