did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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