You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
