Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
