i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
