Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
