then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
