apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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