Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
