Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
