Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
