Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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