I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
