he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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