yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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