everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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