Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
