He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
