I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
