I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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