TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
