She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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