Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
