legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
