That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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