he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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